I have INSOMNIA!! (aka "Long time no blog"

With best intentions I started my blog. Goals in mind, one step forward. A whole bunch of steps back! Little did I know that on the very day I started this little blog, six months ago, that my life was about to change forever! On that day, my son's first birthday, life as I knew it ended. My sweet, sweet busy boy stood himself up on his tiny, beautiful feet and walked across my livingroom. It feels like he started running the very next day and I don't think I have stopped since. That child has a zest for life!

Couple that with a seemingly endless Winter, a nasty case of the blues, some solo-parenting, a move, a new job, a vacation and whatever else came along to bring us to this point. July. Personally not much further ahead, not much further behind.

I guess now is a great time to post a few pics of what we have been up to before I gather up my thoughts and head forward with this little project of mine.

My husband and I

"curious, chatty and perfectly himself"

I decided today that I have spent a little too much time as of late focusing on the busy, the tired and the constant need for patience. Not enough time on the miracle. He really is a miracle. Curious, chatty and perfectly himself. He knows his mind, he know his rites. I am really lucky. He is sweet and social, happy and positive. I waited a long time to be his Mom!

But how do you become someone's Mom and not lose yourself along the way,? It seems like the divisions start early...someone's daughter, sister, cousin, friend, niece, granddaughter, wife, mother, grandmother.... How do you give to each of these relationships and still give to yourself. Why can I do whatever needs to be done for my son, my husband or a family member yet I can't haul my cookies up the hill twice a week for the Yoga I am DYING to go to? And not in the way I am "dying" to go to the gym (never.) Or "dying" to finish unpacking (whatever.) But, really truly longing to go and stretch and move and feel. To sit in silence with nothing but my breath to keep me company. I am going to find that balance. Probably just in time to get pregnant again, but I will get there.

I am beginning to feel the shock to my roots that was moving back here fade into the background of my memory. It was about that for a longtime. Lately, I have found some relationships worth tending and some that need to be gently let go. I have slowly started staking claim to my marriage again and waking out of my new parent phase. I am trying to keep my memories close but open myself up to new ones. I guess that would be the key term to where I have stagnated for the last long while....closed.

All in all...the goals are the same as they were but I think some of my perspectives have changed which is, I guess, the truest meaning of being "under construction."

**Did you like that? So cheesy but I have no shame."**

**I think now is a good time to remind readers that I don't proofread and I don't do grammar. I think it, write it and post it as it flows into my mind. And by readers I mean you Mom, and probably Lea."