You're reading WHAT!?!?

It is time to blog about that little visited and oft remembered pastime of old. And by old I mean pre-parenting of course. What is it you say? While I am sure that many of us Moms have pastimes that have gone to, say, pasture the one I am referring to is reading. I mean true reading and not the following because they do NOT count!

• instructions of any type even if the manual (carseat for example) is thick enough to count as a book
• parenting books. while I will not slag their usefulness that is schooly reading and I say it does not count! although I really rely on my "Roots of Empathy:changing the world one child at a time" by Mary Gordon
• kids books. why yes, they can be engaging but....no.
• anything legal or bill like
• the packages you get from your health professionals
• food labels. there are some foods that would make you think you are reading a really wordy dictionary though!
• anything that has a cover with a photo of Miley Cyrus, Kate Gosselin, Brangelina or the like (I LOVE LOVE LOVE trash mags!)

One of the things that I like the most about myself as I get older is the ability to have a great big laugh at myself. I do it so often and it really eases those stressful feelings of not fitting in. I always feel like I stick out like an oddish sore thumb. To quote my Mother "she's not as high strung as the other one (my sister.) She's just weirder." It doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. Some of my particular quirks are my love of really bad music and teenage TV shows. Often when I am belting out the lyrics to some strange 80's power ballad my husband will look at me, shake his head and declare that he is "embarrassed" for me. This will usually lead me into a "live life to the fullest" rant about how people should listen to what brings them joy. Read what makes them happy....just READ! Watch what helps you escape! Just be who you are and be honest about it.

My name is Amy and I read trashy books in the Summer. Seriously. Really really bad books and I LOVE it! The stories suck, the writing sucks but the stories suck me in. For a while. I am usually good for a couple over the Summer. And I get really into them. Like up until two or three with the doors open and the sweet breeze keeping me cool. Two summers ago, while newly pregnant with River and hoping that the pregnancy would stick; I escaped into the Twilight Saga. I am by no means a "Twi-hard" but I read them. Enjoyed them for what they were worth. They didn't change my life, I am not clamouring for more but I did enjoy them. I have seen the movies and I have to say that I was shockingly disappointed even though I was not expecting much. The last two installments were abominations in my POV. The stories ended a bit to perfectly and I am staunchly Team Jacob. Edward reminds me in looks and personality disorder personality of a really moody dude (that I adored) from my youth and I watch the movies wanting to slap RPat silly!

Last summer I revisited a favorite of my youth. VC Andrews. I was remembering my teenage years when a new VC Andrews book was a MUCH anticipated event met with exile into my bedroom until the book was finished in one sitting. I would then talk the story out with my bestie and anxiously await the next. My love of pre-completed series began then when there were already three complete five or six volume stories that I devoured in no time. I wondered what it would be like to go back to that time. It all seemed so innocent. The stories themselves so horrific. And fantastical. There are always riches, a horrible matriarch to overcome, a lover who often turns out to be your relative an unexpected pregnancy and every other mountain that could be thrown in the way of our scrappy young Heroine's happiness. . Then the fifth book in the series is always told from the POV of the "horrible matriarch." Formula writing at its best, um, worst... I can still hear my Mom's voice in the back of my head "Those books are sick!" or my Dad's "If you want a real book read this (hands over a well worn copy of 'The Hobbit')"

So, I dove head first into this crazy series about a Mom whose son dies so she makes the daughter parade as the son her whole life. Then the daughter/son has a kid with the neighbour but the Mom says it is hers and they all go crazy. Or something like that.....I read the series. I wouldn't, like, recommend it or anything but if that interests you I'll give it to you. It is taking up space in my bookshelf. Again, my husband thinks I should hide them.

And without further adieu....this Summer's trashy choice is..... "The Vampire Diaries." It meets all the necessary criteria. Bad writing. Check. Crazy unbelievable story. Check. More than one in the series. Check. (another guide to bad Summer books is that there must be a couple of them.) I have been unable to put it down. Something about the sheer indulgence of it. Call me crazy but the main character just became a Vampire and I need to finish this blog ASAP! The books are the basis for the TV show of the same name which I will not be watching. That "Degrassi TNG" girl makes me want to deafen myself."

It has also been lazy Summer nights when I discovered some of my favorite trashy TV shows. Roswell. One Tree Hill. CSI. Last Summer it was "Supernatural." I find something satisfying in being able to tear through a series or a TV show that is already completed (or many seasons in.) My husband always makes fun but he gets into it and those are some of my favorite memories of our time together. Staying up on hot nights watching "just one more episode."

I love this quirky, honesty in my friends as well. I truly revel in it. One of my best friends loves teeny-bopper movies. Another loves trashy romance novels. Another's thing is 80's tunes. I LOVE these things about them. Comment about the "odd things" that you love and embrace about yourself!

And I guess that is about it for tonight. Remember Mommies to make some time to read. I like to read a novel and then something smart and then a novel and so on and so forth. Feel free to recommend your faves to me. And remember that it doesn't matter what you are reading as long as you are reading.....and enjoying it!

I have INSOMNIA!! (aka "Long time no blog"

With best intentions I started my blog. Goals in mind, one step forward. A whole bunch of steps back! Little did I know that on the very day I started this little blog, six months ago, that my life was about to change forever! On that day, my son's first birthday, life as I knew it ended. My sweet, sweet busy boy stood himself up on his tiny, beautiful feet and walked across my livingroom. It feels like he started running the very next day and I don't think I have stopped since. That child has a zest for life!

Couple that with a seemingly endless Winter, a nasty case of the blues, some solo-parenting, a move, a new job, a vacation and whatever else came along to bring us to this point. July. Personally not much further ahead, not much further behind.

I guess now is a great time to post a few pics of what we have been up to before I gather up my thoughts and head forward with this little project of mine.

My husband and I

"curious, chatty and perfectly himself"

I decided today that I have spent a little too much time as of late focusing on the busy, the tired and the constant need for patience. Not enough time on the miracle. He really is a miracle. Curious, chatty and perfectly himself. He knows his mind, he know his rites. I am really lucky. He is sweet and social, happy and positive. I waited a long time to be his Mom!

But how do you become someone's Mom and not lose yourself along the way,? It seems like the divisions start early...someone's daughter, sister, cousin, friend, niece, granddaughter, wife, mother, grandmother.... How do you give to each of these relationships and still give to yourself. Why can I do whatever needs to be done for my son, my husband or a family member yet I can't haul my cookies up the hill twice a week for the Yoga I am DYING to go to? And not in the way I am "dying" to go to the gym (never.) Or "dying" to finish unpacking (whatever.) But, really truly longing to go and stretch and move and feel. To sit in silence with nothing but my breath to keep me company. I am going to find that balance. Probably just in time to get pregnant again, but I will get there.

I am beginning to feel the shock to my roots that was moving back here fade into the background of my memory. It was about that for a longtime. Lately, I have found some relationships worth tending and some that need to be gently let go. I have slowly started staking claim to my marriage again and waking out of my new parent phase. I am trying to keep my memories close but open myself up to new ones. I guess that would be the key term to where I have stagnated for the last long while....closed.

All in all...the goals are the same as they were but I think some of my perspectives have changed which is, I guess, the truest meaning of being "under construction."

**Did you like that? So cheesy but I have no shame."**

**I think now is a good time to remind readers that I don't proofread and I don't do grammar. I think it, write it and post it as it flows into my mind. And by readers I mean you Mom, and probably Lea."